The Edge of the Feminine Sacrifice

As a woman, there is a fine line around giving our energy, being wired biologically as the nurturer and conditioned by culture defining the role of the woman often associated with her giving and serving qualities. Even if a woman grows up in a modern and freer culture, past imprints remain in her cells which can lead her to give too much while not listening to her own needs. This can happen within her own family, children and partner, with friends and also at work.

Diving into the Ancient Indian Goddesses, the Mahavidya and Tantric Goddess Chinnamasta is a potent archetype to establish a balance between giving and receiving. I refer to her in my first post, “Announcing my new substack page”. She has been in my field since a while now after a potent initiation you can qualify as animist.

Chinnamasta is cutting her head off in order to feed her attendants with her own blood. In her feeding, she provides nourishment, nurturing, love and care. Interestingly, she also takes nourishment from her own blood, drinking through her severed head and puts her head back once everybody has been fed. She is doing self sacrifice but respects the balance between giving and receiving by also being fed by her own blood. In Feminine Taoism, there is a direct relationship between blood and milk and hence, nourishment.

Sacrifice is a big topic for women.

How can it be harmonious and balanced? How can women give while listening to their own needs and not feel totally exhausted and in burnout after having given too much? When overgiving, besides a physical and psychological depletion, women can also feel resentment, bitterness, irritation and even anger if the balance between giving and receiving has not been respected.

I grew up hearing my mother telling me that she sacrificed her life for me. Here is not the place to go deeper into this topic but the point is that this saying of my mother clearly shows that a lot has been imposed on women and mothers, which can even create resentment and even lack of care and nourishment from mothers towards their daughters. I see that in many of my clients.

How can we dance between giving and receiving? How can we give from the right space in order to be anchored in Love and self-love and not be consumed, sometimes devoured, by guilt or remorse with the underlying thought of being seen as selfish?

The dance between giving and receiving is edgy. It is about finding the right inner space, (in order not to be cut and lose our blood, our vital life force), by wielding the sharp blade of the sword of discrimination of what is right for us.

Then ultimately, how can we listen to our own needs without causing a rupture of the bond and connection with others?

For me, it is about

• A deep listening of our body sensations and an intuition rooted in our womb, guts and our lower feminine body. The body never lies and will always give you a reliable picture of where you are at. The Art of deep listening to our body is part of the Feminine Wisdom.

• Expanding our consciousness to notice when emotions such as bitterness or guilt are appearing in our thoughts and welcome them in a loving presence in your body to let them move. Our emotional thoughts are arising first in our body where healing can happen at the root in a sustainable way.

• Prioritizing nourishment in your hectic modern life by having a moment on your own, leaning on the Earth, connecting with beauty, dancing, reading poetry and matters which feed your soul, listening and being transported by an inspiring piece of music, writing poetry or simply in your journal, spending a moment in the sunlight, having a delicious cup of tea or a warm cacao, allowing yourself to dream, self care rituals …

• Remembering that we belong and our worth.

  
  

Attuned to the sensations of the body, to the rhythm of our breath, to our heart pulse, we can access an undeniable truth. When this truth is not undermined by the voices of the mind, one can listen to feel how life force is flowing through us and be aware if one has given too much. Connected to these sensations, we can find the ground for a clear expression of our own needs.

Ultimately, when we listen and talk from the body which is the matter/the mother/Her, words and actions can come from a realm permeated by the frequency of the universal Truth/Love animating, creating and nourishing the entire tapestry of Life. When one is able to talk from this frequency, speaking from the body, Love frequency permeates the words and actions even if they are firm and radical as in animated discussions, tensions, establishment of boundaries or distance and even the end of a relationship.

Talking from the body permeated by the Life/Love force, the Love frequency vibrates in the words and actions. Vibrating Love and Truth, the bond is not broken and remains. This inherent unbreakable bond can be felt with an expanded consciousness, in a softened body shining Love in your serene mind, for the other being and yourself …

“It may help to remind yourself that if you have no experience of the wisdom of the conscious body, you are in unknown territory listening to your mother tongue. Its rhythms beat with the heart, with the emotions that circle and repeat and again repeat with totally new vibrations of feeling. Its vocabulary is simple; its knowing deep. This is not the language of polished English prose. It is heart language calling out to other hearts.... To hear the feminine we have to dare to open our receptors to old words with new meanings. Love spoken from the mind is one thing; love whispered from a volcano is another.” Marion Woodman, Leaving My Father’s House